Important news that could save your life!

Important news that could save your life!

Or that could make it easier, at least…

Don’t you just love to read the latest crazy headlines? Me too. I don’t read the tabloids, if that’s what you are thinking, but if it’s about a two-headed goat, well, I kind of want to read it. Here are some wacky (and not-so-wacky) news stories for your reading pleasure.

Your doctor is a fake!

Well, maybe he is and maybe he’s not, but there is apparently a multi-million dollar industry that’s selling fake diplomas to people who want to be doctors. You might want to check the credentials on Dr. McCoy the next time you see him, especially if he ordered not one but two strep tests in a single visit after forgetting he’d done the first one, like one of my doctors did once… And if he is a fake, I highly recommend doing this to him:

Family Guy - Big Fat Phony.

Your cigarette could kill you!

Well, you already knew that. But did you know that if you smoke over the kitchen sink, it could kill you even faster? If you live in a place where fracking occurs, you may have methane in your water, which most of us know is not a good idea near open flame. I know many people lean over the sink to smoke out kitchen windows; that may not be a good habit to have along with your current bad habit.

Your doctor is a lazy fatty hater!

Even if Dr. Quinn isn’t a liar about her credentials, she still may be up to no good. Did you hear about the woman who did not know she was pregnant because when she went to the doctor, her brilliant doc told her that her missed periods were not because of a pregnancy (or anything else), but because she was fat? I kid you not. I have heard even worse stories than this one, too, about people being refused treatment or being misdiagnosed because a doctor took a single look at them and said, “You’re overweight,” as if that was the end-all, be-all response. Personally I’d rather have the big fat phony doctor; at least he actually cares about being one.

Extinct animals will crush as all!

This one’s a little older, but it’s still a goodie, if you think good means playing god, pissing Mother Nature off and generally putting the population at large at risk with your crappy science projects instead of trying to, you know, cure cancer or something: Russia and South Korea have decided to join hands in creating the world’s latest monster, the resurrected Mammoth! That’s right, they’re going to try and bring the extinct animal back to life so they can, um… try LARPing Flintstones? Yeah, I’m not clear on that one, either.